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Admitting I'm Not The Supermum I Thought I Would Be

OK. It's time to talk (again). This has been something that has been on my mind for some time now and I haven't quite been sure how to put it into words, or what to do about it.



Let's take a step back and set the scene. I'm sure many of you parents out there will relate to this familiar scenario. All my life I have been working towards something, and oh so hard I've been working.

I worked hard to build my career. I worked hard to give myself the opportunity to travel the world. I worked hard when I decided I would relocate to the UK and then I worked damn hard to build a life for myself in a country that I had never even visited not knowing a soul. I worked hard to plan my wedding. I worked my butt of when I found out I was pregnant for so many reasons. Saving enough money for me to comfortably be on maternity leave, getting the house ready for a little munchkin, thinking up business ideas to allow me to be at home and not have to return to a full time job.

Back in the day I would aim high all the time and I would achieve whatever I put my mind to with sheer determination. That's the kind of person I am. I'm internally competitive and I haven't ever failed to achieve a goal I've set myself.

So why would becoming a mum be any different to how I've lived my life in the past? I had a plan. I would set myself up a little business that I could do from home to allow me to be at home with my family and contribute to the house. Yes I wanted to be a stay at home mummy but at the same time I wanted to still earn my own money. Because I was staying at home I would win at keeping the house in a 'house wife' fit state. I would cook wholesome and healthy meals for my family every night. I would spend time with Baby Girl developing her. We would practice colours, ABC's, counting, nursery rhymes. I would have my girl reading before she went to school. I even agreed to taking on some additional work on top of everything else. It could help fund our luxury travel fund I thought.

It all seemed so achievable in my head. But then I started having day after day where I would collapse into a heap in the evenings. Totally and utterly deflated and exhausted. Having achieved nothing on my list. Day after day the house would be a tip, I would have serious mum guilt over some incident that had happened during the day, we had fish fingers for dinner and I hadn't fulfilled any of my marketing plan for my business Little Bump Shop that I so wanted to turn into an empire.

I wasn't the Supermum I just assumed I would be. Not by a long shot, not even for a minute. I was failing.

If you're a regular reader of my blog you'll know when this all really became and issue. A couple of months ago when I took a blogging break. I didn't just take a break from the blog. I actually checked out of a lot of things in life to re-evaluate what I was doing.

And I came to a conclusion. And you know what?

For the first time in my life I can say, I have reached my goals. I'm married to the man of my dreams. We live in a beautiful house that we have done up ourselves and that is just perfect for us. We have been blessed with the most precious little girl. My hubby J is amazing at his job and has a career that I am so so proud of. He is winning for the both of us.

And I should be content. But instead I am doing what I've been used to doing my whole life, running a million miles per hour when I should be enjoying the now. Everything that I was working so hard for was getting in the way of enjoying the reason why I was doing it, for my Baby Girl and creating precious memories together. My ultimate goal.


So after a long and painful thought process I've decided to shut down Little Bump Shop. I'm so proud of this little company that I created and I've had a lot of fun and one hell of a ride running it. I just feel like closing it down is the right thing to do.

I take my hat off to all you small business owners, particularly those who work at home. You never really, ever get a chance to switch off. Even if you have everything ticked off on your to do list, there is still 100 things you could be doing and if you're not then you're feeling guilty. That was guilt I could definitely do without, and being the all or nothing person that I am I decided that right now it has to be nothing.

I am eternally thankful for all of you who supported my little business and if you ever received one of my bouquets please know just how much love was put in to making each and every one.  There's so many things I will miss about Little Bump Shop but I know this is the right decision. As I made and shipped off my last bouquet yesterday I said one last goodbye and switched off the site.

Here's a message to myself and a reminder to any of you who may need it:

Slow down! You've lived a fast life. You've lived hard. You've worked hard. Everything that you've worked for has brought you to today. Stop the pace and slow down. You have everything you've ever wanted right in front of you. It's time to slow down. It's not always about working towards the next big life goal. You're there! It's time to enjoy the now and appreciate every single moment. Let's make some amazing memories.



Kat x

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6 comments

  1. A lovely heart-felt blog. How many people take the time to stand back and evaluate their life like you have? Not may people I know.

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a lovely comment. I'm so glad I did and that's why I wanted to share some thoughts so hopefully others will too x

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  2. Hey Kat, you are still an awesome mummy and wife and a great inspiration to many. Don't be too hard on yourself and you never know what amazing opportunities will come your way (without effort) in the future. Thank you also for the reminder to just enjoy the now. xXx

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    1. Thank you so much lovely. I really appreciate your words. I'm feeling so much better for putting some things in action and getting my thoughts out in the blog. Blogging really is the best therapy x

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  3. Awww so sorry to hear this. You are an amazing mum but I can totally relate to you. I always thought i'd be a supermum but life is such a struggle. Well done for making such a strong decision xx

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    1. Thank you Kerry. There's so many things they don't tell you about motherhood, not being the mhm you expect you will be was definately one I wasn't prepared for x

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